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• [CYA 1/9] Watch out! (2 min read)
• [CYA 2/9] Choices (2 min read)
• [CYA 3/9] From 30,000-feet (3 min read)
• [CYA 4/9] Together (2 min read)
• [CYA 5/9] 🥳 The doors are open!
• [CYA 6/9] What if... (3 min read)
• [CYA 7/9] The scariest part (2 min read)
• [CYA 8/9] The Lab & Gathering (2 min read)
• [CYA 9/9] If not you... (3 min read) 

Hi, neighbor - Rebecca here.

I’m one of the Learner-Leaders at Better Neighbor Lab.

This is the first email in a series I'll send your way as part of our launch for Better Neighbor Lab.

I hope that 95% of this series will leave you better off, even if you choose not to join The Lab.

These emails will be a bit longer than usual (~2-3 min read) and arrive in your inbox a few times each week with [CYA] in the subject line, which stands for the title of this series. More on that, a bit further down. 

🫶🏻

Okay, let's kick this fun party off with one of my favorite stories.

It begins like this...

There is a big city - the biggest and most shiny, and everyone dreams of living there.

As the story begins, we find out this city is in ruins.

It's all dust and ash.

Now, this story takes place a long time ago, and no one was coming to save them, nor was there a big box store to pick up tools and supplies to rebuild.

The people of the city emerged from the rubble to dust off whatever could be reused.

But not Florian (they/them).

At the news of the city's demise, Florian ugly cried. Yep, snot everywhere.

Florian paused for months, allowing them to grieve and reflect upon how their actions and the actions of their ancestors contributed to an entire people's vulnerability.

Then, Florian strategized.

When it was time, Florian traveled to the city in ruins. As they got close enough to see the city, they realized it was worse than anyone could have imagined.

But Florian had a plan.

The first stop was to see the King.

But you can’t just show up and demand to see the King. It doesn’t happen. The King then was the same as Kings now. Behind a veil. Protected.

Florian was scared and approached anyway.

Upon seeing a stranger in view, the guards of the King's gate readied themselves. Every muscle tightened.

Florian’s throat tightened, “I'd like to see the King. I know you all are hurting. I have a plan that will nourish you. I am ready to help.” they said.

The head guard swiftly pulled a long sword from its sheath.

Metal on metal.

Eyes narrowed on the target.

Florian (pounding chest and all) stood completely still.

The guard took a step forward, uttered, “Who do you think you are?” and raised the giant sword above Florian’s head.

Today—just as in Florian’s time—is unprecedented. To an alarming degree, many people feel overwhelmed, confused, disillusioned, or completely numb.

This series is titled Choose Your Adventure because specific choices woven through this story have a lot to teach us in the coming days. 

I'm glad you are here.

If you have questions about The Lab or Gathering, hit reply, and I’ll be happy to get back to you.

Until tomorrow.

Welcome back.

Let's return to our friend Florian...who's standing before the King’s guards with a huge, sharp sword overhead.

Florian wondered if their heart was gonna beat right out of their chest.

"I, I am one of the King's servants," Florian said.

The guard looked at him, puzzled.

"No, really, I just haven't been here in a few months, and I don't think you and I have met before," Florian continued

The guard backed away, consulted with the King's advisors, and said something like, "Sorry about that," and ushered Florian through the gate.

It was true that...

• Florian belonged (but hadn't been there in months).
• Approaching power without an invite could be dangerous.
• Florian had a plan.

Florian disagreed with how the King had run things even before the destruction of the city. There were many days when Florian served the King, head down, silent, and filled with contempt.

But, Florian felt different now.

Feeling with the people of this city for all of those months had birthed a softness. Compassion. Sadness. Willingness.

When Florian approached, the King saw this change.

"Florian, I have never seen you like this; what gives?" asked the King.

You see, authentic vulnerability creates curiosity.

Few of us live soft-hearted when in the presence of power.

• When at work, we are silent
• When talking with a parent who harmed us, we are silent
• When our racist family member is around, we are silent
• When we see our neighbor, we are silent.

Co-creating a just world requires many neighborly choices along the way, and fear, though natural (we've never done this before), is not useful

What are you afraid of?

• Your 1st choice is whether or not to examine your fear.
• Your 2nd choice is healing what you're masking with fear
• Your 3rd choice is being willing to be afraid and do it anyway.

Florian made all of these choices (and more, as we'll see).

We’re at over 400 words, so I will end here.

You may want to reread this email a few times to notice more of the choices Florian is making that we can learn from.

If you have questions or wanna share an insight you've had, hit reply and tell me about it. I'd love to hear from you.

Talk tomorrow.

Hi, neighbor!

When we set out to build Better Neighbor Lab, we held two points of focus:

• provide nourishment for the white-bodied community, and
• as people in need of nourishment

Those are two very different (but connected) things.

I'd like to explain the structure of The Lab for two reasons.

First, if you're considering joining when it's available next week (March 26th), it's important to know what you can expect.

Second, explaining how we build makes us better builders.

From a 30,000-foot view, The Lab is divided into three parts:

• personal transformation via practices (~5-15 mins/day)
• communal (you + white-bodied people) learning and leading
• collective (you + someone else) experiments with ending racism

We are big fans of never asking people to do things we have not or are unwilling to do ourselves.

A while back, I received this email from someone in one of our cohorts:

There are several really beautiful indicators of transformation happening.

One that I want to pull out is that intellectual knowing is not transformation.

Transformation comes when we are willing to spend some time with ourselves. Slow down. Feel. Be in our bodies. Practice. Notice what happens. And keep going.

I'm not saying that information is irrelevant. Information is essential. But just as this person shared, it's not enough. Noticing how racist patterns get run will impact you, and that must be healed as part of a liberation journey.

I am transforming right along with you.

This is the first part of The Lab.

If your transformational journey never has an outward expression, it misses the opportunity to be anything other than self-serving.

Liberation is only liberation when it benefits you, people in your community, and people targeted by oppression in ways you are not. All three, simultaneously.

The Lab is a community of practice for white-bodied people committed to ending racism. It's communal. You + white-bodied people.

I want you to have a community like this because it's life-changing.

Some of you already have a group like this, and if you don't want or need more connection, The Lab is not for you. Gathering, on the other hand, might be (more on the differences later).

The communal space is where we rigorously practice the personal transformation that happens in private. Our behavior in communal spaces either is evidence of how we are changing or it reveals the places we are still getting stuck.

It's too easy to become echo chambers filled with people who agree with us and think that's liberation. It's not.

There must be evidence that what we are doing is changing us, and each other.

This is the second part of The Lab.

The final part is where the magic happens.

It's where we take how we have changed, and the skills we've cultivated among one another, and run experiments:

• How do I exercise my influence (and with whom)?
• How can I be a better neighbor to all living beings?
• How will I know if I'm making a difference?

I believe, just as Florian believed, that we cannot rebuild from the crumbled ruins of an unjust society.

We must build something new. Detach from old ways of being.

This is the third part of The Lab.

Excited?

P.S.

My whiteboard is filled with scribbled notes of the final touches on The Lab before we swing the doors open wide on March 26th. I look at it every day, and when I do, it fills me with belief...

I believe in you and me and us.

I believe that we can build something new.

I believe that you belong here and that there are people still missing.

I believe we can be intentional framers of a new society.

I believe we will make mistakes, take accountability, and keep going.

We can co-create a community we are proud to be a part of.

💗

I meant to continue the story of Florian today.

This email is already long, so I'll share quickly that the King heard Florian's plan and gave the green light. Florian won big that day.

But things were about to turn ugly.

Ugly in ways we, too, are at risk of repeating.

But more on that Monday.

Have a fantastic weekend.

Hi, it's Rebecca again.

Tomorrow, the doors open for the first time, and I'll be answering all of the questions I've received so far. Forgot to ask your question? Send it now, and I'll include it.

I still want to share a few ideas with you, whether you choose to join us or not. These ideas are my way of cultivating the best version of you possible.

Florian left the King's chambers on a total high.

The King said yes to everything Florian asked for.

Word traveled to the city's enemies about the plans to rebuild, and they immediately positioned themselves between the King's castle and the city that lay in ruins, waiting for Florian to ride through.

But Florian, again, paused.

Imagine getting the green light and pausing for 3 whole days before taking another step. 🤯

In the waiting, Florian realized that the city needed to be fully evaluated before the work began. Funny how our plans gain clarity when we pause.

On the third night, Florian hitched a horse, taking only a few trusted people, and set off for the big city.

Under the stars, the group inspected every corner, every piece of rubble, every destroyed gate. Together, they gathered intel and stabilized their plans.

Too often, we make a lot of noise as we plan.

I get it. It's nice to have our name seen. To get credit.

What Florian and other organizers I deeply respect all have in common is a commitment to plan in secret. To move in micro, interconnected cells that, when the time has come - unfold out of every corner - like a flash mob in a mall. You didn't even know they were there or who was part of it until you heard someone behind you singing in a chorus of gorgeous harmonies.

I believe there is great wisdom in organizing this way.

Florian began the work, and as the story goes, everyone and their Uncle, Grandma, Niece, brother, neighbor, daughter, son, and shoemaker—showed up. The story says they worked from sunup to sundown.

After a few days of hauling stones and logs the entire day, I bet they felt like they couldn't go on.

But they did.

They rallied together. Ate together. Built together. Shared stories. Encouraged each other. Challenged one another. Strengthened each other.

We have yet to create this in our white-bodied community.

Last week, I reminded us that if our transformation doesn't have an external component, it misses the opportunity to liberate. White-bodied people rarely think of ourselves as a community. Nor do we believe that everyone is worth it and no one is disposable. But more on that later...

I love the vision of this community, shoulder to shoulder and life to life, building their world together.

Once again, this story is filled with the kind of choices that would make a real difference in our goal today of ending racism. Hit reply and let me know what a-ha's you are having.

Big love.

The day has arrived, friends. 🥳

We've opened the doors wide...

• Join The Lab
• Join Gathering

See you on the other side. ✨🌱

P.S.

If you joined The Lab, add the Launch Party on April 4th, 4-6pm PT to your calendar. Find the link in the Calendar (login required).

P.P.S.

If you've emailed a question, we've worked to answer them with this video tour (10 mins) of Gathering and The Lab. If you still have questions, hit reply and we'll get right back to you. 

Hi, neighbor.

Did you notice the doors open up for The Lab and Gathering? 🥳

Let's drop back in with Florian...

As the community was building, Florian received word that the city's enemies were returning to finish them all off.

So Florian gathered a small crew and walked the entire perimeter of the city, assessing the cracks and placing guards at every weak spot until it could be strengthened.

What would happen if we viewed those in our community with less knowledge, skills, or "consciousness" as weak points that needed strengthening?

The story goes on to say that while they worked, everyone carried a tool in one hand and a weapon in the other.
They were ready.

Prepared.

They expected the fight.

We don't prepare for our fight very well. Trust me, I get it. In my house, we say, "Gas up the flamethrower!" as our way of expressing that something is happening that feels so hopeless that the only suitable solution is to burn it all down.

Even as I write this, I'm transported back to those moments.

They are painful, enraging moments in which I feel powerless and inadequate to help my community see how desperate this is and the tremendous life I've found on the other side of the beliefs we are conditioned to hold.

I don't know if Florian ever felt this way.

If I had to guess, I would say yes.

I think all people who strive for a better world have these moments.

But I know that even if they did, it didn't slow them down for long.

The community built the city walls in just 52 days.

52 days.

It happened so quickly that the enemies never had a chance to gather up their attack before the city was protected again.

Can you imagine what would happen if we built in this way?

• Organize in secret
• Labor in micro, interconnected cells
• Everyone has a role
• Live to liberate
• Guard the cracks
• Prepare for the fight

It gives me chill bumps to imagine it. Talk about adventure.

This is what The Lab is all about.

But I want to share one more thing that happened to Florian today before I close.

Florian's enemies were just as crafty as those who are making the backroom deals to keep oppression alive today.

They sent word to Florian four times, saying they wanted to meet up when really they planned to murder Florian. Each time, Florian refused. The fifth time, they tried to manipulate Florian into banding together with them to become a powerful allegiance and overthrow the King.

The promise of power is alluring for even the most dedicated, liberation-minded people.

You might think you would never be susceptible, but this would be silly.

I ask that you keep watch over me, just as I'm committing to keep watch over you.

When you see me fall, I ask you to tell me, as I will for you.

We are only as strong as the most vulnerable person in our community.

I'm committed to strengthening you. Will you do that for me too?

Hit reply and let me know you are still with me.

I love you.

I love us.

Talk soon...

Hi neighbor, Rebecca here.

If you plan on joining The Lab, you've got two days left before we close the doors. For how long? We don't know. Then we celebrate on Thursday, 4/4, from 4-6pm PT.

I have never been more convinced of the power of now.

Every day, there's more news of wars, oppression, people at the political right co-opting the liberation movement, legal battles for democracy, a shit show of an election cycle, and so much more.

People targeted by racism often ask me, you, and us, "What are you feeling, and what are you doing to change yourselves and each other?"

Our team could try to pretend that we have it all figured out. We could make things shiny in an effort to ease our pain.

But there is real danger in this.

You see, I am - just as many of you are - trying daily to tell a new story with my life.

And I get it wrong all of the time.

Yet, each day I practice cultivating my humanity, I'm less confused about the dominating patterns I run. They can't nourish me, even though, at one time, I believed they could.

Liberation is not static.

And for many of us that feels scary.

Maybe even the scariest part.

It would be much easier if there were a 10-point list we could follow.

But it doesn't work that way because liberation is alive.

It's why we decided to be a lab.

Nimble. Flexible. Iterative.

What I long for is a place that is uncertain, messy, multifaceted, committed, think we have a good idea and test it only to find that 10% of it works, pull everything apart, construct something new, ask about the parts we are missing, go find those parts (or people), make mistakes or get hurt and find our way back to each other, leave our hair uncombed for days or weeks, all of us working in a huge virtual warehouse bustling with activity and collaboration and hope and rest when we need it and the will to keep going no matter what.

That was one hell of a run-on sentence.

I don’t care.

It’s my heart for us.

Maybe it is for you too.

We have never done this in our community (that I’m aware of).

Now is the time.

We will learn in real-time. Stretch. Lean into each other.

A trust fall.

I’m hoping you’ll catch me. I promise you’ll get a turn, and I’ll be there to catch you.

We are diving in already...first live call is Thursday, 4/4, from 4-6pm PT.

Tomorrow, I'll share a few more details about The Lab and how it's different from Gathering, but if you have questions or I don't answer everything for you, just hit reply, and I'll respond.

I'll finish sharing Florian's story on Wednesday, and at 8pm PT, we'll close the doors.

If there is one thing I’m certain of, it's that we are embarking on a deeply human and powerful experience that will undoubtedly change all of us.

If this resonates with you, we’d love to have you with us.

Big love.

P.S.

Got a question? Hit reply and let me know. I promise to reply!

Ready to jump in? Join The Lab here. Gathering is here.

Hi, neighbor!

We are in the final stretch now.

Today, I'm going to attempt to clarify the difference between The Lab and Gathering (+ a bit about why there are two options).

In short:

• The Lab is for you if you want more connection and cultivation among white-bodied people committed to ending racism.
• Gathering is for you if you already meet with white-bodied people focused on ending racism (or you want to start a group).

A bit further:

• The Lab is our community of practice focused on ending racism.
• Gathering offers ideas for your community of practice focused on ending racism.

The details:

• The Lab is a monthly membership that includes self-directed practices, 3-4 live calls per month (attend as few or many as you wish) with white-bodied people also committed to ending racism, a ton of resources, avenues to connect with fellow members, and an unknown pile of more (we are a lab...so things will change). You'll get a lot of support, so if you are trying to make a difference in your world, and need a place to be challenged and strengthened, we've got you.
• Gathering is a course and weekly email. It begins with a go-at-your-own-pace 7-week course to help you cultivate a Daily Practice of liberation (and if needed, offer you the steps to start your group), followed by a weekly email with a 1-page activity/discussion guide you can use all or part of with your group. You will be able to incorporate these ideas into staff meetings, team meetings, family suppertime, your DEI Committee, and more.

Time commitment (to get the most out of it):

• The Lab would best serve you if you are ready to put in 5-15 minutes most days for your liberation practice + want to attend 1-3 live calls (1.5-2 hours each) monthly.
• Gathering would best serve you if you are ready to put in 5-15 minutes most days for your liberation practice + want to spend less time than you are now ideating/planning for a group of white-bodied people focused on ending racism you are a part of (or want to start).

The cost:

• The Lab - when you enroll, you use the "quantity toggle" to decide how much to pay each month. You can change your rate or cancel anytime.
• Gathering doesn't have a paywall. You enroll, and go through the self-paced course before we send you an email asking you to decide the value of the course for yourself and submit a payment of your choice. The ongoing weekly emails are free forever.

Why two options?

• The Lab is our heart and soul...it's where we want to be, and we're realistic enough to know that people will come, get equipped, and take what you’ve learned into your world, which makes…
• …Gathering necessary. Most people are willing to meet up with other people if they have some support. We also cannot reach all white-bodied people in our nation through The Lab. But this is where you come in. We know there are people who love and trust you enough to join a conversation with you about ending racism but who would never sign up for The Lab. If you have appreciated your experience with us, and want to infuse that essence into a group you are a part of or one you want to start, Gathering is built to support you.

We believe that significant progress can be made within the white-bodied community to loosen us from the dominating patterns that keep racism intact when we realize that we all have a role and a way we can contribute.

It thrills and inspires us to imagine what's possible.

You feel it too?

Of course, some of you will want both, and that's wonderful too. You get to choose your adventure, remember?

In any case, let me know if you still have questions on your options, and I'll get right back to you.

Doors close tomorrow. Join The Lab here. Gathering here.

Final email tomorrow.

Hi, neighbor.

[Psssst. Did you remember to join The Lab?]

So there they were.

Rebuilding their city together.

Florian was working when a group approached, "We are starving, worn out, and we need your help."

The people shared with Florian that they had sold everything to wealthy people laboring shoulder-to-shoulder with them in exchange for food.

Now, they had nothing left while the rich were getting richer in the midst of their crisis.

While it's true that everyone in their community of practice shared in the labor to rebuild the city, inequity was present in other ways.

The same happens in white-bodied communities of practice focused on ending racism because there are class, gender, sexuality, and ethnic differences that some of us are targeted by and others are not.

Florian went to the rich in their group and shared, "I think we may have taken a wrong turn. If we're going to be a community together, we must take care of one another."

I was reminded of this part of Florian’s story in the fall of 2019 when I took a pilgrimage through the South. While there, I met a Black elder named Mr. Carter, who grew up in Mississippi in the time of, and nearly the same age as, Emmett Till.

The day I spent with Mr. Carter is still reverberating.

Towards the end of our time together, I asked Mr. Carter, “With all that you’ve seen over the years, what do you think white people like me are still missing?”

I think of his answer almost every day.

“You’ve forgotten the ones in your community who are most vulnerable to the lies of white supremacy - your poor,” he said.

He said that, particularly in areas outside of the South (the "coastal elite" he called me), we believe ourselves to be above people in our community who have succumbed to the lies of white supremacy.

“What good do you think will come from preaching to your echo chambers?” he asked.

Mr. Carter was right. Florian was right.

Our self-declared liberal bastions lack the evidence of making any real difference.

I believe there is another way.

The rich people responded to Florian’s plea. They admitted their mistakes and returned what they had taken. It cost them something personally, but in doing so, they became better neighbors and contributed to the flourishing of all.

As white-bodied people today, we have a choice to make...

• Be a people willing to part with our dominating patterns over people targeted by racism but keep running them on white-bodied people (including ourselves). Or,
• Be a people willing to part with our dominating patterns entirely so we can live harmoniously with all living beings.
  Parting with our dominating patterns doesn't require grit; it requires your willingness to heal the unhealed hurts you are masking with dominating patterns.

This is one of the major differences between Better Neighbor Lab and most "antiracism" efforts. We've tried rigid frameworks and had to admit, like the rich of Florian's day, that old, recycled ideas that lack any proof of working must be set aside so we can experiment with other ideas and find what actually changes us.

Healing is just one of the things we know is effective at loosening us from our dominating patterns. There are more...but that's for another day.
Florian stepped in to build a new kind of community in the midst of crumbled ruins.

Will we do the same?

If not you, then who? (great question, Hillel the Elder)

Florian's story is filled with choices that can help us become better neighbors and make real progress toward our goal of ending racism.

What choice will you make?

Today (Wed) is the last day to join The Lab (at least for now).

Gathering will remain open.

For those of you who have already joined. I see you. I can’t wait to journey alongside you to become the kind of people who end racism.

To all of you, thank you for being here. It's been an honor.

Until next time, love one another.

P.S.

I'm going to re-read this whole series to mine for more nuggets of insight. You can, too, anytime.